Saturday the 19th of October marked the last ASHA performance, until further notice that is.

I performed, with the trusted flautist Paul Cheneour, at the Bowerhouse in Maidstone.

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This time Asha and Jane were coming. I was shitting bricks. After nearly a year of work: research, embodiment, planning, performing, production, exhibition; this work had finally gone full circle and has been realised and shown to the person it is based on… She was pleased with it. She spoke, answered questions and discussed in the Q&A afterwards. She was so alive! She made sure people knew she was six years off a hundred and still wants to have her say. It was funny and endearing. It reminded me why I did this in the first place. It was a truly special night. I think I can speak for her to say we both felt appreciated. She had a moment to shine. She did.

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I also need to add that Maidstone was a significant because my interest in South Africa, which definitely led to my interest in Asha, began in Maidstone. I met a South African man, who despite being a lover for a brief period of time, I can only describe as a muse. I always did. That was the word that seemed appropriate. Once I met him poetry could not stop flowing out of me. I mean it was extraordinary. I had visions and images that I then turned into work. Everything made sense. I had a calling. I made things. I saw clearly. It was extraordinary. I can only liken it to a spiritual experience, an enlightenment really. Yes it was love but not in love. It was odd. I felt centred and rooted and as for the person, I was not about to put up with his shit, in the most loving way possible of course. He went back to South Africa. I was left with myself, all of me, finally. I spoke about this last night. I spoke about the male muse. I was then handed a smartphone with this definition of the male muse:

“A male muse is called an Agent of Fortune. He is a Traveler not anchored by standard materialism. Although he may desire material things, his position actually influences and inspires other people to make decisions beneficial to their future of physical and spiritual needs. Legend has it; the Agent of Fortune is picked by a supreme spiritual entity or entities. And through his indoctrination as such, he has seen or been to the future and therefore is cursed because of what he knows or has seen. Supposedly their movement through time is completely different than normal people. They may not seem as affected by certain events or even the passage time like other people. Another quality they possess is being annoyingly positive in the worst of situations. You may meet one and never know it. They also phase in and out of social settings as if they were never gone. And that’s because of their relationship to time. Unfortunately they can’t make people choose the correct decision or path. That is still left up to the individual in question” (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male%20muse).

SPOT ON!

Extraordinary moment captured:

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I don’t know where that energy is anymore but I feel free and in me.

It was a beautiful evening. I am currently on a come-down. I just handed in my report to ACE and have been having an awful anxious feeling that I did something wrong, like that feeling after an exam that you are convinced you failed and have to re-sit it.

I actually can’t believe all I have done in this past year. I did pretty much everything I set out to do. Some things didn’t happen… I didn’t see my muse when I was in South Africa because of his super jealous partner. I didn’t get as many audience numbers as I had estimated. I created a live art piece that popped up in four different towns instead of a gallery installed piece that was supposed to stay still. I could not stay still. I cannot stay still.

I am moved to tears. I don’t know what’s next. This needs a rest. This will probably come up again. I like the idea of making a publication, a book of poetry, co-authored by Asha and myself. Potentially. A tour around another country. Maybe. Who knows.

Now I think I need a break and maybe do something normal. As if I know what that is.

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