Archives for the month of: October, 2013

During the Q&A of the last ASHA performance on Saturday, the idea of a book came up. I have not stopped thinking about it. I just got this message from a fellow member of the co-operative Making Art Work, Jonathan Pilgram:

“The performance was so powerful, mesmerising and hypnotic. The use of music, film, and performance together like that, not only held the attention, but really made me want to find out so much more about the story behind it, and the fact I could first hand from Beryl..and of course now the internet has kind of left me reeling a bit! From your blog, you definitely deserve a break, as I saw you feel that piece is finished. When you are ready, I’m sure she’d love it if you could try and incorporate it into a book/dvd etc. I feel, that the real event is the performance itself, and even my art critical friend I brought came away really moved. Full marks from me 🙂 ”

I think that having a book to take away with you after a performance that moved you is something that can be appreciated. It would also be more of a legacy, still keeping in mind that the work is the happening of the performance.

I can  imagine it having images printed on transparent colourful paper layered on top of each other, of her, of me, of the South African landscape. An interactive book. A selection of her and my poetry, not necessarily set out as a story. We will have to see. It would be co-authored so it is not entirely up to me.

I am going to take a break, start a new project, and then come back to this with a clear mind. I don’t know how long that will take. I am quietly simmering.


Saturday the 19th of October marked the last ASHA performance, until further notice that is.

I performed, with the trusted flautist Paul Cheneour, at the Bowerhouse in Maidstone.



This time Asha and Jane were coming. I was shitting bricks. After nearly a year of work: research, embodiment, planning, performing, production, exhibition; this work had finally gone full circle and has been realised and shown to the person it is based on… She was pleased with it. She spoke, answered questions and discussed in the Q&A afterwards. She was so alive! She made sure people knew she was six years off a hundred and still wants to have her say. It was funny and endearing. It reminded me why I did this in the first place. It was a truly special night. I think I can speak for her to say we both felt appreciated. She had a moment to shine. She did.




I also need to add that Maidstone was a significant because my interest in South Africa, which definitely led to my interest in Asha, began in Maidstone. I met a South African man, who despite being a lover for a brief period of time, I can only describe as a muse. I always did. That was the word that seemed appropriate. Once I met him poetry could not stop flowing out of me. I mean it was extraordinary. I had visions and images that I then turned into work. Everything made sense. I had a calling. I made things. I saw clearly. It was extraordinary. I can only liken it to a spiritual experience, an enlightenment really. Yes it was love but not in love. It was odd. I felt centred and rooted and as for the person, I was not about to put up with his shit, in the most loving way possible of course. He went back to South Africa. I was left with myself, all of me, finally. I spoke about this last night. I spoke about the male muse. I was then handed a smartphone with this definition of the male muse:

“A male muse is called an Agent of Fortune. He is a Traveler not anchored by standard materialism. Although he may desire material things, his position actually influences and inspires other people to make decisions beneficial to their future of physical and spiritual needs. Legend has it; the Agent of Fortune is picked by a supreme spiritual entity or entities. And through his indoctrination as such, he has seen or been to the future and therefore is cursed because of what he knows or has seen. Supposedly their movement through time is completely different than normal people. They may not seem as affected by certain events or even the passage time like other people. Another quality they possess is being annoyingly positive in the worst of situations. You may meet one and never know it. They also phase in and out of social settings as if they were never gone. And that’s because of their relationship to time. Unfortunately they can’t make people choose the correct decision or path. That is still left up to the individual in question” (


Extraordinary moment captured:


I don’t know where that energy is anymore but I feel free and in me.

It was a beautiful evening. I am currently on a come-down. I just handed in my report to ACE and have been having an awful anxious feeling that I did something wrong, like that feeling after an exam that you are convinced you failed and have to re-sit it.

I actually can’t believe all I have done in this past year. I did pretty much everything I set out to do. Some things didn’t happen… I didn’t see my muse when I was in South Africa because of his super jealous partner. I didn’t get as many audience numbers as I had estimated. I created a live art piece that popped up in four different towns instead of a gallery installed piece that was supposed to stay still. I could not stay still. I cannot stay still.

I am moved to tears. I don’t know what’s next. This needs a rest. This will probably come up again. I like the idea of making a publication, a book of poetry, co-authored by Asha and myself. Potentially. A tour around another country. Maybe. Who knows.

Now I think I need a break and maybe do something normal. As if I know what that is.


I have begun my activity report to the Arts Council. I need to evaluate and reflect on the project. I feel like I am back at University and really like it. The project is nearly over! I have one more performance to do before ‘hand-in’. In the future, I would like to take the project into a different realm (gallery installation).

I have updated my website:

It feels like a very organic end. I feel I have gathered and shed a lot. I feel I have achieved what I wanted to and more. I accept the things that did not go as planned and welcome their alternatives. I saw myself change throughout: from the embodiment of Asha, to the duality of Ryeé and Asha, to the shedding of Asha, to the finding of Korinna in all of this. My name and identity still perplexes and confuses me. I wish I could find something that better suits me but I think the honest state of being for me is to be a bit torn and in-between, at least presently.

At the moment, ASHA aside, I feel entirely lost and in a modern limbo land where everything is totally fine and doable. I can manage what is thrown at me. I can balance my relationships, just. I am not sure what I want. I can see my next project, or at least what I think I want my next project to be. I don’t know where I want to live. I have no idea what to want because I really have all that I have ever wanted. So silly to need to want more…

I want to just sit in this. I don’t need to think about the next step. I have not closed this book yet. I still have a chapter left. I am going to stay immersed until I am expelled.

Sitting in it.